When you live with a disability as unfair as cp, your mind and heart work like every other person. Then you look at your physical self only to see life can be unfear at times. I spent years of my life believing and feeling this way. Looking back on my life, I see how much of my life gave up. I’m starting to get to be that age where I look back on my life to where I went wrong in life. As a human, it is a part of life only to feel this way at one time or another.

When we have a disability, we see ourselves in one of two ways, we either see ourselves as just a disability or try to run away from our disability. It took me so long to realize I got my strength from my CP, my weakness in life. It wasn’t until I became one person and not feel like I saw myself in two or three parts. One, I saw a woman, two, disability, and three unrealistic dreams I had in my mind. While feeling this way, I stopped my whole life and gave up things I could fill my life with because I saw my disability as my weakness.

When I was in an unrealistic dreamland, I saw myself with a life of living like a character on tv living a privileged life. Having the best looking partner, not having my disability or the limitations of my disability in mind. Yes, while a disability shouldn’t limit us in life, it doesn’t mean at times we can’t adjust those limitations to work for us so we can be able to do it the best way to suit our needs.

If I only saw my weakness as my strength from the being, I could have givens myself more realistic dreams of what I would have had as an accomplice in life. I would like to be a wife, mother, or have a job as a recreation therapist. You never know where life will take you when living an authentic life and not in dreamland. I learned that the more you resist what you are given in your life, the more complicated your life will be. Sometimes in life, you have to go to your weakness to find your courage and make it your strength. This can be a challenge for people to see in themself, but once you find that strength and courage, life gets less challenging.

When I realized my weakness was my strength, it was time for me to make a more authentic life. The life I have now is a smaller vision of what I wanted. I have an independent life in a small town where I can walk to all the places I need. It’s also a good workout because I can just leave the house and walk around the area. Sometimes I will live early in the morning and come home late. When I plan on spending the whole day, I will also pack a lunch and just sit on the green or go to the coffee shop and have lunch. I have so many friends and acquaintances in town who watch out for me.

I found my strength in my weakness, but I also found courage. People have asked me how I can be comfortable with who I am and have to deal with all the challages in life. I have learned that life only gets easier when you know who you are and what you want from life: it gives you the courage to walk through life with your challenges. There are days and times when my courage is weak, which is when I get unsure of myself. When I get uncertain of myself, my weakness with my disability shows who I am. I started to question myself, whether I would make the right choice for myself, fall into a black hole, endanger myself in the past, and get into a place where I lost my courage to speak up to say I needed help in life. I don’t want to go back there again. I hated the way it made me feel, and I hate that it has left an emotional impact on me, to the point that it can be challenging for me to move in life. When I use my courage, all my eyes and senses are open to see where I shouldn’t be. Everyone has to open their eyes in everything they do. Still, it becomes more profound when you have a disability because of disability. There is vulnerability to any disability. The people who love you will always be protective over you to make sure none hurts you or takes advantage or harms you. It’s not like your loved one wants to make your choice, but they want to be there to guide you to make the best choices for you and your life. It will be annoying to you because it fell annoying to me, but in the end, our loved ones only want what is best for me.

After years of having low self-examination about who I was, all the struggles in life have just fated away. Yes, I still struggle and will always because it’s a part of life, but I understand now that my weakness is my strength and courage.

Published by sixlegstoindependentlifefromawalker

Hi I'm Marie W.O.W.O.C.P ( Work Out With Cerebral Palsy) Just an average person living with six legs. Two on me and four on my walker. I live a full independent life with cerebral palsy. These are life stories and events about how I overcame everyday life with cerebral palsy. I hope by sharing my life story and lessons I have learned I can help others in the world to show them that disability is only a word. Just because our body may not be capable of everything we want to do but with a positive outlook on life we can still get where we want and need to be.

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