Mental health month is coming to a close. I have shared with you about my dark times in life and how I chose to see the light instead of going into a deeper dark place. I’ve talked about my mental toolbox. Two of my favorite activities are physical and mental workouts; working out for me does so many things, from physical to mental. I like to start a new series called “MODIFYING MY LIFESTYLE.”
When you have cp or any other physical disability, you have to live a modified lifestyle. Living a modified lifestyle doesn’t mean we have to give up anything; it may just let us do more with our life. Living a modify has always left me feeling inadequate, and I always felt like I was being left behind in life or missing out. As I’m getting older and maybe a little wiser (SHHH! Don’t tell anyone I said that, it would kill my coolness in my mind LOL), I see how living a modified lifestyle isn’t so bad because, in the end, it makes me more independent.
As I reflect on life, I’m starting to realize that in the last 15-20 years, I felt the most off balance in life. The last 15-20 years were when people of my age started building the foundation and developing what kind of life they would acquire. That was a little different for me because I had to live a modified lifestyle. I always had negative ideas and thoughts about living a modified lifestyle, but none other was more complex than during this time in life.
After spending a decade stuck in my mind, going for what I thought I needed to have at that time. I became more off-balance than ever in life. After years of going headfirst in life, I left parts of me mentally and physically that I can never get back or fix. I have taken many different life courses that have made me who I am today. I still have a hard time learning to live my life in balance, and as for physically balancing my life, that is a different story because of the cp.
Mental balance: the healthy psychological state of someone that has sound judgment. Having a mental balance is very important to everyone, but it has become a primary force in life for me. When you have a disability such as cp, you can be very shattered from life. Growing up was a battle for me to have the right to be placed and have places to be assessable for me to be a normal kid in a public school. When it came to learning about life, I knew more about fighting for the right to be someone than how to play spin the bottle.
I knew them by the time I was old enough to make my own choices, but I didn’t. I felt so far behind in life lessons by the time I was 25 and had been starting my life. I felt just like a 15-year-old living life but pushing myself to be the age I was; this didn’t work out how I was dreaming. At that time, I started going deeper into myself to where I lost any mental balance I thought I might have had. It wasn’t until I realized I needed to see the light and work on myself that I started to understand mental balance; the help I received showed me how to gain that mental balance that I never fully understood. I fully understood this part of me, and life wasn’t easy. It’s a battle every day for me to keep myself in check. One of the many reasons I try every day to educate myself in many areas of life is to keep what I feel are the weakest parts of me in check.
Every day is a battle physically and mentally but with the tool that I have been strict with when I find myself going down the dark path.