This year I have been on emotional, physical, and mental journeys to improve my entire being. I was on the Cerebral Palsy Research Network ( CPRN) one day, signing up for an event; I checked a box about the “THE MENTOR” Program. (MENTOR) Thinking I was signing up for a program that would give me a mentor certificate, but when I went to the first day of class, I soon realized I was wrong. The program Is an eight program in the areas of mindfulness, exercise, & nutrition to optimize resilience. “The MENTOR” Program is about getting physical, emotional, and mental health. It has been a perfect fit for how I have been trying to live my life.
Meditation/Mindfulness: This is one of the classes you will take. I have been mentoring myself for a few years but never like this. Having someone explain meditation and mindfulness has given me a better understanding of what I have been doing when I meditate. Meditating is about being in the moment and centering yourself; I know that, but it’s also more about trusting yourself.
As much as I thought what mention/mindfulness meant, I never genuinely studied the whole practice. When I started taking the practice approach, I read up on it on the Internet and understood it was a way to ground myself. Not being one to put my trust in “GOD truly.” I wanted to find something that felt grounded. I felt like mention/mindfulness might help in this area.
During the last few years, I knew the outcome would be to center myself, but I still wasn’t 100% connecting what meditation entirely had to offer. It wasn’t until I started to take the mindfulness class with MENTOR that I started seeing the practice of meditation was so much more than centering yourself.
With someone teaching me to meditate/mindfulness, I have started feeling more connected to my practice. I was scared to do a body scan, but that was the first practice we did. Before we did the practice, the teacher explained the body scan. As I was in practice, I realized why the practice was scary. When you’re a body scan, you are entirely within yourself, facing your being/in your house. When I started meditation/mindfulness years before, I wasn’t understanding. Now I have begun to realize it’s a trusted practice within yourself.
Trusting myself has always been very difficult for me. Some of the difficulties of trusting myself was facing the hard time I locked within myself. Still, the most significant dilemma of facing within myself was facing my disability and how my disability has affected me in life. I tried to outrun the disability because I didn’t want to meet who I was.
As I understand how meditation works, I’m starting to connect with meditation and mindfulness on a different level. I’m learning meditation not only as a centering practice, but I feel it’s also a trusting practice. There have been times when I thought I couldn’t trust myself and wanted so much in life, but because of my disability, I needed more time to move on.
Meditation makes me feel like it’s a trusted practice because you have to go into yourself; depending on the person you trust, it can be easy or hard on a different leave. When meditating, I’m going within myself to talk to my inner self, and I must face every part of myself. Facing my inner self, I have to face many aspects that mean the parts of me I don’t like. I always wonder why I was, at times, I would likely be anties while I was in my practice. I understand now that there were and still are things in me that are hard for me to face. The hardest thing to meet me is my cerebral palsy.
For years I thought cerebral palsy meant I was an incomplete person.I felt I was an incomplete person and couldn’t have the life that others had. Over the last few years, I have tried to be more optimistic about myself on the inside.
What I have taken away from my meditation practice and what the mentor mentioned is that it’s ok to be weary because it can be a practice that can take you to scary and unknown places within yourself. However, you fully get to understand yourself on a level that is befriending a whole new person within yourself.